Girls Against Boys (2013)

Girls Against Boys (2013)

(aka Destroy All Men!)
Release Date: On VOD and in Limited Theatrical release now, available on Blu-ray and DVD on 2/26.
Country: USA
Written & Directed by: Austin Chick.
Starring: Danielle Panabaker, Nicole LaLiberte, Liam Aiken, Michael Stahl-David and Andrew Howard.

We're all about good revenge flicks around these parts. If you're a fan of Horror movies, you pretty much have to be. So many great Horror, Thriller, Action flicks (et al.) have plots that revolve around someone getting revenge, avenging something, or evening up the score, that it's hard to find many that don't.

Just think about some of the great movies you've seen and loved that involve women getting revenge for whatever reason; Fatal Attraction, Kill Bill 1 & 2, I Spit on Your Grave, Carrie, The Dragon Tattoo series... In movies, women are often times wronged, and they just as often seek to right those wrongs through violent means.

Hell, even Friday the 13th (1980) was all about a woman seeking bloody retribution.

Is it odd that we always mistake these three for each other?

So when we first saw the trailer for Girls Against Boys, we were intrigued. We're definitely fans of the movie's star, Danielle Panabaker, so the idea of her getting some good old fashioned rape-revenge on a bunch of douchebag guys was all good with us.

Let us say right off the bat here, that we love to be snarky and lace the serious parts of our reviews with humor, oft times of the inappropriate kind. Horror is a heavy subject, so we aim to keep things as light as we can, even if only through ridiculous picture captions or the like. Plus, we fancy ourselves funny.

On that note, I'd like to say that rape isn't really a topic to be making jokes about. We do it anyway, because humor is always the best way to make a tough subject feel a bit less harsh, but we really don't think it's funny. *On a side note, rape is pretty funny if it involves a clown, and maybe some sort of zany horn or whistle. Or Benny Hill music. 

Alright, fine, It's not funny. Relax.

 

The premise of this movie involves a sweet college student named Shae, who gets dumped by her married boyfriend when he decides he wants to focus more on his wife and young daughter, and not bang her on the side anymore. Like most women who sleep with married men and don't understand that they are just a piece of ass on the side, this sends her into a state of sadness and bewilderment.

"OMG why me!?!"

Lucky for her, she works with a sassy rocker chick named Lulu, whose actions and attitude are even more annoying than her retarded name. Lu tells Shae that they need to go out and dance and have some fun, and to forget the no good bastard of a married man who cast her to the side like some toy, even though that's exactly what she was. Sounds like a reasonable plan.

"Wait... I'm a toy?"

They meet some hipster d-bags at a club, and after getting completely wasted, decide to go back to their trendy SOHO (?!?) loft with them, because they have their own DJ waiting there! (They really need to make a revenge movie where people who don't suck just go around killing Hipsters. I'd watch that shit in a heartbeat.) Anywho, back at the douche loft, one thing leads to another and Shae finds herself at the business end of a raping. Naturally, she calls her married ex-boyfriend to comfort her in her time of need, and he thinks she wants some post break up sex... and there she is, abused again.

"Why do I keep meeting guys like this?"

At this point, alone and doubly abused, Shae turns to her riot grrl pal Lu, who decides that killing every man they come across will heal all rape-inflicted wounds, and would be a hoot to boot, because men have it coming anyhow, right? Overtly bloody revenge ensues.

The only constant in all of your failed relationships, is you.

For all of its issues, Girls Against Boys was a visual treat for us. We loved the way the Cinematographer chose to shoot her scenes, and the way that so many of them seemed to take their time and even linger in places. The film's atmosphere is on par with its visuals, as being strong and well executed. As violent and crazy as some parts of the movie were, its best moments were its more subtle and quiet ones.

Danielle Panabaker did a hell of a job here. Her use of  facial expressions and body language to convey her character's inner feelings and demons was great to watch. I don't know that she'll get the credit she deserves for her performance in this one or not, and that's a shame, because she really harnessed the movie's atmosphere and subtext and made it her bitch.

Stop staring like that, you're creeping us out.

 

I have a few big issues with this movie, which I will just go on a short tangent about, alright? Alright.

First, Shae is a totally non-sympathetic character. She's having an affair with a married man (which makes her pathetic), whom she stalks after he breaks it off with her (making her look even more pathetic.) Then, as a cure all for her heartbreak, she hits the club, gets wasted, and ends up going home with some complete strangers, which results in her being raped. Then... yes, there's another then... after enduring that horrific trauma, she revisits her dysfunctional relationship and calls her married ex which results in more abuse... I mean are we really supposed to feel for a girl who puts herself in these situations? Get some self esteem and get your shit together already.

Second on my ire-filled list, is her only friend in NYC, Lulu. Dumb ass name aside (Lulu? Come on), there's nothing whatsoever that's likable about the girl. She's portrayed as being a crazy bitch who thinks all men are horrible and useless pieces of trash, and yet she claims to have never suffered any childhood trauma that warped her into this mindset of wanting all men dead, which makes her character not only annoying, but troubling; she's not a pissed off, strong woman who is tired of being trampled on by self entitled men... she's just crazy.

Come on. Who does this? (Insane people. That's who.)

Third, and most important of all, is that these two nutty bitches are supposed to be the good guys. You know, two women who are out to teach the evil men of the world not to fuck with girls who have guns and katanas. Problem is, they aren't the good guys at all. Shae goes from sweet and innocent to menacingly silent death dealer in the space of days, which shows us that maybe she's not just traumatized, and that she's really just a bit wonky, and always has been. Lu is just plain wonky. All men are worthless to her, and so lets kill them. It all just felt disingenuous to us.

It felt like the point of the movie was that these girls are supposed to be strong female archetypes, but they end up being nothing of the sort. They're weak and off kilter, and to me, that doesn't spell feminist at all. *As a man, I'm obviously offering a man's viewpoint of what the word "Feminist" should mean here, but come on. If these girls are supposed to embody Feminist ideals, then Feminism is a bunch of sad B.S.

She really was great in this movie though.

Rape is bad, In fact, it's just downright horrific. It's jsut that I'm not sure that scantily clad girls running around with guns and killing those who have wronged them, is much better. I'm all for rapists being put down like dogs gone bad, because that's just a service to humanity. What I'm not all for is throwing a couple of hot chicks on screen in slutty clothes, placing them in situations that no strong woman would ever find herself in, and set them to killing a gaggle of men "because they're all worthless pigs anyway," and trying to paint it all as some sort of female empowerment.

Had it just been Shae exacting her revenge all alone, sans the help of her bitter Suicide Girl wanna be crimey, I may have bought her descent into madness and revenge more than I did. An isolated person, suffering a succession of major traumas in a short span of time and becoming unhinged because of them, sounds fairly possible to me. I can even buy into the whole "she snapped and did some crazy things" bit too. It would have definitely been less annoying without the antagonistic riot grrl pushing her towards it. It just didn't feel realistic at all.

She would have never done all of this on her own, which I know is the point, but still.

Let's not even get into how the one nice guy that Shae meets, and who treats her with nothing but respect and decency, sends the movie on a lame Single White Female sort of bent either. That whole thing just served to reveal Lulu for who she really was; a girl who wanted to get another girl in bed. It just cheapened things even further, in our eyes.

Aside from some great visuals and some really great Cinematography, and what we feel is a great, nuanced performance by Danielle Panabaker, this movie ultimately doesn't work for us. Its characters just could'nt generate enough sympathy from us to make us care about them in any sort of real way, and thus the story felt thinner and less substantial than it should have. It's not a bad movie, per se, it's just that the parts of the movie that we didn't like, kept us from liking the parts that we did. 

For us, Girls Against Boys is a D+/C- affair, that really could have been way better than it was.

So here we are at the end of a review in which we ranted about what is or isn't Feminism, and we're posting sexy pictures of Danielle Panabaker. Pretty sexist of us, huh? Well, I would argue that the fact that Ms. Panabaker is confident enough in herself to pose for pictures like this is, in and of itself, the purest form of Feminism.

You go, girl!

The Horror Club

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